At the car wash...

so its 4:18pm on this gorgeous thursday. I just got home. i went to the mall to meet jen jen for lunch. that was fun. saw my jimmy the greek guy lol. i should find out his real name one day eh? i walk up there and he know exactly what i want. i didnt even have to interupt his conversation with wayne the sports shop guy. diet cooke in a can. thats it. its amazing how good that can make u seel. then wayne talked to me. i was like yes hello everyone, im soooo loved! lol then i sat down and i was all blushing lol. dont ask me why, but that made me happy. and then i went to the bank, and got money for lisa for the "house" then on my way home i decided to get my car washed. i pulled in and some of the guys were outside, and they smiled as soon as they saw me, and then pulled around the back and the other guys smiled. and i must say that makes one feel really good. and then i had a good conversation with the owner and told him about my catering. just little things that make my day happy. i also finally have an appointment for my knee, so hopfully that will all get fixed soon! and has anyone realized that next weekend is thanksgiving? its kinda bittersweet for me this year. i really wanted to go to the rockton fair, but were all going up to the cottage. maybe ill stay here the friday and go up later... who knows... i guess it all depends on if i have anyone to come with me? lol and how exciting is it that tomorrow Ladder 49 is out?! im pretty excited about that one! i love my john travoltia hehe. yet again i'll have to find someone to go to that one with. hehe anyways im gonna stop babbling lol.

p.s.

ok first can i say a skunk just stunk up my street. i also talked to cae today. its been awhile since ive talked to cae. i miss him a lot. why does he have to live in brazil?! hes my fanasy love. lol u know that one that u know u'll probably never meet but would die if u did. i was thinking what i would do if i ever went to brazil and actually u know had the money and got up the nerve to meet him, i think i would cry or puke or something. although i thought that with leighton didnt i? not thinking that he was like a fantasy love, but i was just so excited to finally meet him. omg i think i would die. and brazil how beautiful would that be?! oh well *fantasy world* someone be my real world cae one day k? thanks. bye

just another tuesday night

oh god im nuts. i think its the full moon or something. im going totally balistic just sitting here. but for some reason this week im incrediabley happy. that might have something to do with it too. like my sister walked in the kitchen and i was smiling ear to ear and shes like ok whats up with u. and i dunno if it was jen saying things that was like and after thought when she left or if its another person or what. or or or.. lol i dunno i wish things went like they did on tv lol. just men walking by deciding to actually talk to u. that would be great lol. i wish i could do that u know. tell the person i think about like all the time that i like them and would love to u know say hi once in awhile, how do u other girls do that? i havent figured that out at all. im never going to be the one to "make the first move" and it bugs me yet it doesnt. i think its my protective blocking. that whole rejection thing. am i crazy for that? my mother is always telling me get out there, meet someone. and all i can think of is well, i dont do clubs, i sit at restaurants and like really conversations with people so thats not going to work. and when im actually in a job most of the guys are like 50 years old. oh im never gonna get a future with a guy lol. oh im gonna be a women that lives with cats in a shoe. you can tell when im watching sex and the city cant ya? lol ah well maybe one day ill be able to walk again and get out of this house for more than chores maybe go to my spot on lakeshore and veg, i guess i could do that anyways, just at a slower pace lol. yeap i think thats what ill do tomorrow. sounds good to me. i need to get martini glasses and more of my stuff to make my martinis thats what i need. lol and im going to stop now cause might actually say what i want to say and i cant.

just something...

ok, this is driving me nuts. im watching my so called life and its that first meeting really of angela and jordan and he just basically leans over and kisses her. and now im dying! ok im just really in the mood for you know one of those butterfly in the tummy completely good feeling kisses. i feel like completely dying at this moment because theres no one there to do that with. but thats ok right? one day. i just wanna curl up into someone and fall asleep and just be. just be. its one of those things i need and feel like its never gonna happen. i need hope again. anyone? i just wishing now while i was at the cottage and stuff while sitting there in the morning on the deck having my coffee and such how i wish i could share that with someone beside me. it would be perfect. maybe im just dreaming, but cant i have that? soon? please? i think i just need something new in my life at this time. i was talking to laura at the cottage and she asked me.. u know when u get to that point, where u think, this cant be it, there has to be something more? and sad enough to say im feeling that right now i guess. at least i know im not the only one feeling it. i'll figure something out soon. i hope. and now i must got to bed cause i have the dentist tomorrow. and thats off my chest. night.

happy days...

so hello again :) i think i should do some photography. i got pics i took from the cottage and i was at mom and dads printing them and playing with them centering them and stuff. i must say ive impressed myself lol. anyways, so i went to the cottage this weekend. it was so much fun. all of saturday i think was spent in laughter between dad laura and i. i think it was mostly on moms expence to tell u the truth. but its all in fun hehe. it was also really cool to see a full moon over the lake too. dad and i are getting really excited about next summer. gonna get a boat and stuff and that means fishing! yay! hehe im so excited lol. it kinda feels weird that im not going to be up there for another two weeks cause next weekend is james' birthday. YAY JAMES! omg ok im watching fear factor and i gotta say this is really gross lol... its like bobbing for tongues lol ew ew ew. so k i guess thats it im gonna go hehe..

I'm leaving now

Don't watch me leave
I feel your eyes probing
Penetrating each opening
In my sore, tired body
D'ont enter my thoughts
When I'm asleep
I'm terrified
Of never being alone
Without you

~Michael B. Davie~

yeap im a dork

yeap todays thursday not friday! i think dad had a good laugh at me when i called asking what time we were leaving and hes like well first were leaving on friday lol. oh so bad. but then jen and i went out to swisschalet on brant street. very nice. a little slow on the cheque pick up but other than that. do u know how confusing that parking lot is? lol i made it out alive though its all good (obviously) and now i must watch my O.C now so ill be back later if my brain lets me cause ive been so un creative lately but thats ok :)

Gotta love the cottage

so its thursday almost 5 im going up to the cottage with dad tonight. be nice to have a 3 and a half hour drive with him lol. my guess is a nice lecture about something, but its always ok with dad cause it gets a lot off my mind. which im kinda hoping will happen even though i really have nothing to talk about. that could be bad. cause then he might talk about stuff i dont wanna talk about lol.. oh well such is life. i cant wait to see my baby friday. i miss her so much. i havent seen her in about 2 and a half weeks really and i know isnt it sad? what can i say i love my puppies hehe. i think every weekend until winter im gonna be up at the cottage. so great. i love it. i just wish that it was winterized. well it is just no water which could cause some problems yes? lol aw well. i guess i shall go get some clothes to veg in... maybe i should just take my pajamas and veg in that all weekend? lol such a good life im tellin ya! have a good weekend everyone and ill be home i think on sunday.

i am slowly going crazy... 1..2..

11:00pm on wednesday evening. jen just left from our weekly sex and the city watching. and i think were going to start watching gilmor girls before hand now. such a cute show. my bird really smells. i hate it. i just changed her and she still smells. my whole house smells. lol i guess it'll have to wait til i can put some full effort into cleaning it cause i think its gonna take me a week to do spring cleaning. now my so called life is on. such a good shows from like 10 years ago hehe. jared leto hottie! hehe seasons are changing again. i go insane at this point. get all lonely and shhit. drives me a little nuts. so im gonna run away this year. up to the cottage i go with dad tomorrow night. maybe ill be sitting on my dock and some guy will come take me away LOL.... oh so funny. okie yeap jared definately hot in this show. jen and i were talking about this the other day. hes not so hot now but back then he was definately yummy. hehe *sigh* so tomorrow, im going back up to the cottage. im guessing for the weekend. yay mom dad laura and i hehe. should be interesting. family always is. i'll get to see my puppies though hehe. omg okie im going outta my mind so im gonna go away now and stew in my crazy world.

Secret Garden

She'll let you in her house If you come knockin' late at night She'll let you in her mouth if the Words you say are right If you pay the price She'll let you deep inside But there's a secret garden she hides She'll let you in her car To go drivin' round She'll let you into the parts of herself That'll bring you down She'll let you in her heart If you got a hammer and a vise But into her secret garden, don't think twice You've gone a million miles How far'd you get to that place where You can't remember and you can't forget She'll lead you down a pathThere'll be tenderness in the air She'll let you come just far enough So you know she's really there She'll look at you and smile And her eyes will say She's got a secret garden Where everything you want Where everything you need Will always stay a million miles away

what a joyess day...

so its 1:51pm i woke up at 1:15 because i had a pretty shitty sleep last night for some reason. thinking too much again i guess. god i hate that. but i come down stairs, and for some reason lisa yet again didnt go to work, but shes brought in the mail. and ive got a letter from the brockville provincial offences office. here i am thinking oh crap, theyre bugging me about my ticket, that i got back in may that ive just paid the other day so im probably going to have to pay more cause its late and all that right... but i open it up and its got a photocopy of my ticket and where the officer was suppose to sign he didnt. then i flip it over and it says "Quashed" no signature. so what does this mean? 911 daddy! he says he doesnt know but it sounds like i got outta of paying a ticket. sweet! so i phone brockville. and talk to this guy and hes like well i think it means Happy birthday to you! lol but i go to him but i paid over the net like 2 days ago. hes like well let me check, see if its gone through. and it hasnt! Like holy make my day! i just saved $157.50!!! so i told him im gonna go buy myself something nice now! lol he laughed and now im really happy today! YAY ME! hehe...

Oh so nice out!

today is a great day. i think i needed to get away to the cottage. it gave me relaxing time i think. and ya, i know im home all the time i dont need to relax its all i do. but really we all knkokw u dont. so my leg is finally getting better. well a little at a time. i can at least get around, even though im still limping and dont really go up and down stairs that great. today i went to see jen on her break. it was nice to get out. and to drive! omg it was a perfect day to drive. listen to my tunes and just drive down lakeshore and around. so nice. i wish i could get out and enjoy it, take a walk and such. ah well its nice to sit too lol.. well jasons gonna be here soon so i better get some coffee ready and such.

oh so sleepy...

ok so its saturday, 8pm im beat. i just got home from being at the cottage with jason and surprised?! no! nothing around this house is done. maybe ill get really tired and just blow up at my darling lazyass sister. so at this moment im too tired to write anything. so ill write tomorrow. i just have to say even though i cant really walk either lol, my week at the cottage was great :o)

and she strikes again!

so yet again, i went to moms and she freaked out on me. of course something is all my fault, im not sure what but i completely feel like breaking down and crying. im so sick of this. i thought it was like my teen years or something and i cant believe im going to say this but i thought she would grow out of it. but she hasnt. she yet again told me im in denile about my medical life and everything. and i have no idea where this comes from, oh wait unless its from when i said i was going to pick up more eye drops?! ya that must be! god. thats a sure sign of denile. taking your meds. i gotta tell u, im so sick of this bull. it completely stresses me out and ahhh i feel like shaking her. like she asked me to stay the night etc tonight and now because were going tomorrow instead of wednesday shes just freaking out on me. shes not letting me take Friday with me, dad has the keys, so shes freakin on that for some stupid reason, and of course im in denile about my medical life. which means shes all worried about something usually but ahhh why does she have to take thinks out on me i dont get it. anyways i have to go pick up meds now so ill be home in 2 hours unless i hit rush hour traffic which is a probably.

oh what to do...

so its mid afternoon on wednesday. im dying. its driving me nut that i cant clean this house up. lol i dont think this is a good thing. ive been watching the Spike TV CSI marathon all day. i love this show. surprisingly ive seen most of them. i didnt think ive seen that much. ive become a couch potato this week. oh well im going to get my car tonight. see if i can drive with this stupid knee. still dont really know whats wrong with it. kirk came over last night an took a look at it. didnt really come to any conclution. so tomorrow we'll see what my family doctor says. *sigh* then this weekend, im going to chicago. kinda short notice. i wish i had someone to come with me. im going with lisa, cause i guess shes meeting some friends from her game. she wants me for company, so ill go. then on wendnesday jason and i are going to the cottage. which im excited about. im so happy we have a cottage now hehe. can just take off whenever get away from the city. so great. gonna take me little friday baby. so great. poor little maddie is going in for "the operation" maybe she'll calm down? lol ya right hehe. so being on this computer all day, going a little insane, so interesting people have messaged me. the key to conversation, is to converes! this drives me nut. the guys that message u, and either, babble really to themselves about what theyre doing, or the people who message u and thats it, dont say anymore after a person replies. i dony get it. if u talk trust me i can talk back, but it always helps not to just die. lol and it really drives me nuts. or on the other side, the ones that talk too much, and with me barely saying anything they think ur the greatest or something. it doesnt make sense at all. i dunno weird people out there. oh well, i guess were all one to someone else. and man its cold out today. but i love it. :o)

home..

So its sunday. i just got home with lisa from the cottage. its very cute! dad brought the jetta home and lisa and i drove the work truck home. that was interesting. it seems everyone has everyone elses cars lol. lisa and i have lauras, dads has mine and laura has dad. why u might ask? well it goes a little something like this... mom and i went to the cottage on tuesday. i took the jetta cause i had to go to toronto first and mom took the work truck full of furniture and stuff. so i arrive with the dogs and mom wasnt there yet, so i just kinda wondered around the area and walked the puppies. mom showed up about 10 minutes later. i went through the cottage just to take a look and put some meat and stuff in the fridge. then went out to help mom open the tailgate cause she couldnt do it. well why did i do this i dont know. i should of just let her figure it out and i should of unpacked my car. i dont know how i did it but i was standing on the truck to lift the gate and as it opened it landed on me or something, the next think i knew i heard this huge crack, like a back cracking or something then, i was laying on my back on the drive feeling like i was going to pass out. mom came wondering out, and shes like what are u doing. i told her i fell and did something to my knee. she thought is was joking. i was not! so she ran in and grabbed the camera. what a sick deranged mother she is. so she helped me up, and my knee totally gave out. so how was my time at the cottage? well it was ok. i sat on the floor putting ikea chairs together. so it wasnt bad, but i could walk anywhere or go swimming, which i really wanted to do. then saturday i spent three hours in emerg. for a doctor to give me a pair of crutched for 25 buck and tell me i sprained my knee which mom just doesnt think is right. oh well we'll see. on the better part, we have a cottage, its really cute and very relaxing. its so quiet!! and u can see the fishies swimming in the water around the dock (so i hear). so now im home, and have to figure out what to wear to the hockey game tonight... GO CANADA!! and someone has just messaged me on msn, and hes been talking to me for about 5 minutes and hes having a full out conversation with my one word "cool" a little odd! anyways i have to go get ready. hope u had a great week! hehe