twinkle twinkle little trees

pretty busy saturday..

lisas fish arent moving should i worry? maybe i should just yell at them to wake up? WAAAAKE UUUUUUUUP! didnt work... oh the angel fishy moved! maybe it did! hehe. oh i have to call paula. i guess she can wait though. i just got home from doing groceries. $188.14. how crazy is it that we have to spend that much anymore on what will last us probably a week, well no probably two. of course i did kinda slurge, and i got a keylime pie and some pickerel that cost me 9.99 a pound. it cost me $17.81 with a close second of laundry detergant behind it at $15.99. kinda crazy if you ask me! at least i didnt have to buy any "femine products" this week, that bill would have been much over 200.00 with that lol which is also crazy. when did life become so expensive? most of what i got was fresh food, which somehow is more expensive than canned or packaged crap. no wonder people are so unhealthy these days. like really, people are completely discouraged from buying fresh with prices like they are. i remember when i was little doing groceries with mom, and things were half the price that they are now. crazy i tell you, crazeh! so im hoping that my battery wont die waiting for lisa. shes suppose to go to moms and i have to move my car so i volunteered to take her there. so after unloading the groceries, i just left my fourways on and the car out front. hopefully i wont get a ticket. someone has parked in my spot across the street which sucks cause i was actually going to shovel it. seems the snow is melting a little so i was hoping to clean it up a little for jodie and i. oh well. maybe tomorrow. ok i just noticed that my pack of 24 toilet paper cost $6.99, i think its wrong to charge for something everyone has to use. anyways, so now im left thinking what i could do with a house to myself tonight. nothing that i can't do with lisa home. lol hmmm i just dont know. maybe romers and i will have a little parteh! well i guess lisas getting ready to leave so i will too... oh! before i do that though.. the other day i was looking up the band Lamb over google, and instead of finding anything on them, i found this site its someones blog named Brett Lamb. so i've been reading some of it lately, and well its funny what some people say about blogs and such. On there is what one person said :

chris says:
"why would someone who is married have a blog"
"doesn't make sense to me"
"isn't the point of a blog to get laid"

and what do i have to sayto that is, i can certainly say that is not the point of my blog, and i could only wish!! lol

that girl, shes bad! stay away from her!

friday night. oh i have the life! in pajamas at 7, curled up on the couch making a grocery list, listening to music. I remember in highschool, every friday night paula and i would have something to do. never home. out at 7 home at 1 or 2am. doing what? who knows but we were always out. you always had back up back then too. you little, or big group of friends, when if plans fell through with one you could rely on the next to get out. the best part was it didnt cost anything! we were never bored. we were either just hangin out somewhere, going to a movie, driving listening to music, just talking in the car. it didnt matter what we did we were always out. i miss that, to say the least. i never understand what happens to everyone, where do we go? it seems the good friends i had almost disowned me because i left a year early, only because i didnt do oac. people are constantly saying leanne its not u its them. but if its not me why is it only happening to me? at least it feels that way. ever since i was little all my best friends, had issues with me, or at least their parents. it was always "Leanne isnt a good influence on you" can i ask why the hell not? lol omg she says what she feels! thats bad, never be like her! i just don't understand it. ahh well... anyways, so since this weekend is the anniversary of my grandmothers death i just find myself looking back. in three years i've come so far. something that seemed so impossible is reality now! it crazy! if i look back four years, mom was at the point of thinking i was going to die, i was so sick, grandma was getting sick, and mom and i were about to kill eachother we had it with eachother. now i have a house, free of mom and i think have really come into my own. which has been the greatest thing ive ever done for me. now im left here thinking where am i going? i guess its what some may call another milestone in my life eh? too many things to think about so im off to bed and hopfully i'll sleep! :)

play time

okie so im figuring out how to put pictures up so here i play with my puppies :)

Maddie@ 10 monthes

Maddie@ 2 monthes


Friday @10 years

Sunday...

Yet again i've woken up to mom phoning... when will she ever stop? drives me nuts. and not the first person i want to wake up to in the morning. so i didnt. lol. i came downstairs, went potty, and turned my tea on. came over to the computer and and my msn isnt working :o( *sad me* oh well... so made myself my tea and phoned mom back. she wanted lisa and i to come over for dinner around 5. so of course i have james here for the weekend. so i asked well ive got james here, is it ok if he comes as well? first thing that leaves her mouth is no. so i said well im not going to leave him here alone so that counts me out. then shes like well i guess hes part of who u are so sure bring him. in a very annoyed voice. i was like nope its ok i wont come. for some odd reason my mother, is always saying how i should bring my friends over and such for dinner, but everytime they come into her house she gets mad at me. well unless ur jen. so forget it. unless by some miracle i find someone who i've dated for like a year, then i might think about bringing them over for dinner. pretty much if they arent dating me she wants nothing to do with them. is it a wonder why my friends dont like her? it just really bugs me. they're great people, so why can't she accept them? maybe cause i dont think she accepts me, but thats a different story. anyways, so when i was done talking to her, i decided before anyone gets up ill put the recycle out so i dont freeze them with the door being open. so i did so, and looked at my car, knowing i have to find it under all the snow. so i look up, my neighbour has shovelled my sidewalk, my stairs and had dug my car out for me. there was like 4 feet of snow infront of my car!! omg! how completely awesomoe are my neighbours?! but which one is the question?? i have two lol... teresa to the left and my portugese neighbours to the right. i swear they take turns. they are so great! but now i dont know who to thank. i took some cookie bars to the little portugese ones, ill have to take something to teresa. ill actually have to think about that one though since i know shes a health nut hehe. well, i guess thats it for now. james is up and i have to start thinking of what i can make for dinner since it is 3:30pm. the crazies in this house sleep much too long lol.. see ya for now!

communication...

alrighty so i have an issue tonight... this week my dad was in his bad mood. my family calls this dads pmsing mood. i guess living with 4 girls for 27 years might do this. anyways, thats not my point. hehe tuesday i was having problems with my car. it wouldnt start, so i phoned dad. just to ask him for advice really, cause i wasnt sure why this owuld happen. well i had an idea, because i have diesel either its too cold or my battery is dead. dad thought it would be my battery, so he sent mark over to give me a boost, didnt work. so my next thought was ok i have to get a new battery right? so i call dad, dad what should i do, who do i call sorta thing. end of conversation, well to him i guess, i had more questions, and he cut me off and hung up. i was like umm ok. so i figured hey hes at work just a busy day. so i sort things out myself. the next day wednesday i guess, dad phones, ask me how i made out, i tell him tried it before i went to the movies with jen, and it started up, so it was just cold. so i was in the middle of saying to him so do u thi..... is lisa there? like umm ok not like what i was going to ask was important or anything! so passed the phone over to lisa, he was doing the same with her. so i went over to moms today to help her cook. pretty good day until about 7ish when she got into the wine. told her about dad and in the middle of me talking to she walked out on that conversation. like what the hell? weather it be on msn, or in person, people these days, just piss me off lol... like i find it a lot in conversations over the net. i can understand that in some ways, but when i start talking to someone, or they start talking to me and i have to go, i take the time to say hey, sorry i gotta run, i'll talk to u later. like is it that hard? even if u havent met the person there is another person on the other end of that computer, who u just got up and left hangin there. people always tell me i tell too much detail and such, but i gotta tell u, no i dont think i do. what i do do is take the time to communicate. with all this technology in this world today, why is it so hard to do? and because of it do we really need to loose so much of reality with family, friends and even strangers??

bad day..

today i woke up ok. a little tired. im not sure what is wrong with me. im sick with something and im not sure. so of course mom is panicing lol. called dad and he told me i sounded like hell and asked me what was wrong with me. lol love u too! hehe i guess if i dont start feeling better soon ill book an appointment. seems when i have a doctors appointment i have like 10 of them hehe. so i went to go see dad at work, take him some chocolate torte and my monthly car& driver. and well my car wouldnt start. so dad said its probably my battery so he sent mark over to help me out. so we tried givin it a boost. but no. so i dunno im hoping with a little warmer weather coming this week it might just we that it was cold. if not im gonna have to get a new battery i guess. seems kinda weird though cause i went out last night and it was alright. maybe get a block heater. who knows amyways, so jen is going to wait til her dad comes home were going to go see In Good Company. i hope he comes home in time, i really wanna see the movie. i was originally suppose to go with laura to dinner and a movie, but laura wont drive the truck. *sigh* princess laura ahh well hopfully my night will turn out better than my day!

just another day..

so, im watching oprah today. its the saddest episode ever! anyone who watches oprah know of nate the cutie designer. as i just learned from this show hes gay, and his partner and him were in sir lanka when the tsunami hit. and somehow he survived and his partner is still missing. anyways, just really sad. i've had some complaints that i havent been writing lately so im going to try my best and write more :o) i'm also sick again which doesnt put my brain in the right space. i don't knkow whats wrong with me. a cold or something. friday at around 8 i got a sore throat by midnight i couldnt talk. since then my voice hasnt been 100% and i've been really tired. so who knows. hopefully having the flu then having whatever i have now will cure me for the rest of the year hehe. so i've kinda been spending some time on the computer and such, and i've had a few new people message me on icq. im not sure why i even load that up anymore, well no thats not true, ive met a lot of great people on icq. some i've met and some yet to been seen in different countries. but majority, are boys usually between 19 and 23 messaging me. i've keep saying this one will be different. but no even if they start off really nice in this conversation they always want sex of some sort. i seriously give up. like i swear theres one in a million people i talk to on there. for some reason i keep replying (after checking their info) maybe because ive met some great people like leighton, and talk to cae 4 years later, maybe i still have that hope that not everyone is sex obsessed lol. i just don't get how these people can just find someone out of the blue and be like hey lets meet and have some sex. i guess it actual works for some. anyways. i guess last night i really felt sad. when i get sick, i get lonely cause i just want to snuggle up to someone, that will just take care of me and snuggle up to me when i sleep. i hate it totally lol. ahh well im sure im not the only one. just a lot of issues on my mind really all circling around relationships. like when i went to clinic the other day and my doctor asked me if i was getting married lol. i guess it was her way of bringing up sex and getting pregnate. and then going over to my mothers and her telling me omg when did her baby get to be turning 24. and bugging me about kids and relationships. then after that its kinda hit me. omg im going to be 24 in may, and i havent been in a relationship since i was in highschool, if i can even call it a relationship. i'd call it more of asking to be my friend. lol. if thats what i was/is. oh well, i guess its just something time will take care of right? i hope so. :) anyways, i guess i should find some sorta supper.

didly dum...

so ive had this window up for about 30 minutes now and dont know what to say. there have been a few things going through my head today. like why people feel the need to be perfect. i think striving to be perfect makes u imperfect. the other thing is diets. how stupid are they?! ive learned from my medical past, being a chef and personal experience that diets dont work! people if u follow the food guide and exercise normally 20-30 minutes a day, u'll be the healthiest person u can be. and get rid of that scale, ur weight doesnt mean anything. ur fat/muscle ratio does and the scale doesnt show that. but if ur thinking about a good diet, cut the sugars and go with more natural foods rather than frozen/boxed/can stuff. u knkow what ur putting in it and theres no added preservitives like sugar or sodium. ok and the last thing.. lol people winking at me on msn. specifically guys. im sorry but to me this is completely a turn off. the way they do it just ahh makes them seem so cocky to me. it really drives me nuts must say. anyways thats my bitching. i should stop doing that.

brazil this brazil that hehe... YAY BRAZIL!

so, brazil. yeap i think it might work. if all goes well and i work my butt off to save every penny, and if i get my bonds back, and mom doesnt try and take my money from me lol, i think i'll be going around july. leighton my little british hero! he has a friend originally from brazil, whos going to help me get my mind at ease i think. shes moving back to brazil around july i think and has offered to meet up with me when i get there, show me around and stuff. and best part is she knows portugese! lol *huge* relief!! so i think all is set to go, i just need to get the money in order. the talk with mom which im not looking foward to. she has this huge problem giving me my money back. i think she hates the fact that she owes me money. ahh well ive got a few monthes to butter her up on that. i think im going to have to save an extra 1000 bucks just too go shopping before the trip for the trip lol. clothes, suitcase, passport all that health stuff. oh my stomach flips just thinking about going hehe im so excited about it. i think ill be crushed if for some reason i can't go. anyways, im sure everyone is sick of me talkin about brazil.. so back to the reality of hamilton here hehe. tomorrow is the funeral for kirks grandmother. not always a pleasent thing. *just keep thinking brazil* hehe then i wont cry.. i hope. then i think the rest of the day ill spend cleaning up the kitchen, depending on how things go in brantford. such an exciting life i have! today i went for bloodwork, im always worried how thats going to turn out. i have clinic on wednesday so well see if im healthy or not. i have a lot of questions for them about brazil and stuff, need a letter to take my meds over and such. moms on my case already about clinic, she wants to come with me, but that just really stresses me out so i told her no. also wouldnt ask the questions i need cause i dont want mom to worry about things when she doesnt have to. anyways, i guess i should go to bed early tonight to be at moms by 9:30am tomorrow. not bad except i have to be there hehe. if i didnt have to be id be up no problem! hehe. it'll at least be nice to see one of my many adopted families hehe.

You Gotta Be...

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
my oh my heh, hey

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face oh oh oh

Remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry


You gotta beYou gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

...

there are to many things in my head to know where to start. so im not going to :o) i for sure need some cheering up. reasons im not positive. maybe some things are effecting me and don't know it. but im sure ill get over them. always do. have lots to think about and do. and trying to figure out how to solve different problems. maybe it'll just work itself out. well see. im tired so im off to bed.

the question is...

if the outcome is good or even if it ends up badly, either way, you'll be hurt do you take the chance anyways? is it yes take the chance and be happy that you'll never have regreted not doing it or, no why even put yourself through that, and just be happy with the could of?

oh what a day...

Sunday, and its raining. i think sundays are the worst day for it to rain on. not a lot to do and then the rain just narrows that down even more. actually i think im going to open my window and get some fresh air in my room. ok much better. i must say i do love the sound of the rain. its really pouring out there too. so its 1:42. i got up at 1:30. i thought when i woke up that it was going to be about 10am. obviously not! i havent slept this late in while. and a while i mean like a month lol. so today, maybe i'll go to the mall. not sure though. i was doing some filing last night and found a gift certificate from my friend patrica, who i havent seen in like a year! she gave me 20 bucks to the mall, so now im trying to think of what i should buy. something for me, or should i get something to add into leightons christmas present. i dunno i guess we'll see what i find first hehe. so my jenjen phoned and wants to get together tonight so i think i shall do that. although im not sure what were going to do. maybe go to a movie or something. so many i want to see now! phantom, in good comapny. oceans 12, spanglish to name a few... anyways, i think mom and dad come home today, i wish i could find the phone number to the cottage so i could call them, put in my order for ice cream lol. ask them to bring my scrabble home, or one of, and some dvds. ahh well. i wonder how much snow they have up there since we officially have none after this rain lol.. im actually not complaining cause that last snow, well first snow, really did a number on my car. i have to take it in get it looked at make sure its ok. moms birthday was yesterday! omg! i need to wrap her presents! and yes i know this may sound odd, but i got her the best of triumph (the dog from conan) lol she loves that thing, and i got her the soundtrack the the triplets of belville. and as a group we got her the first season of sienfeld. i think she'll like it. i was thinking of maybe making some home made pizza for her and stuff and just having a dinner at her place or something. just cause i wouldnt mind making some pizza hehe. i get in these moods to make things and well that would be a good excuse. maybe something with goat cheese, red pepper, red onion, chicken, or maybe left over turkey? lol no i think chicken lol.. mmm cant wait hehe. although the tradional going out to dinner might be good too. maybe we'll go to sakai in burlington. its sushi and stuff, korean/japanese place. a little on the expensive side, but its really yummy! good value too. anyways, i guess ill go shower and call jen back. see how shes doing. oh! and Happy New Year to everyone!