what am I to do..
You know how in shows where they say the dead can be caught inbetween heaven and earth so to speak, and they need guidence to finally be "taken"? I feel like im that soul. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. I'm a happy person. Im happy that I'm alive, I'm happy with the friends and people in my life. Everyday there is always something that makes me happy. A flower, a comment, something... Right now I'm thinking... im think well nothing lol.. im thinking im completely lost. what is the point of me being on this earth? what? what! what?! I'm sick, and its taking over my life. I can't work a 40 hour week. I'm at a job that is recently stupid. I'm afraid to find something else because they wont be as forgiving to me being sick. I'm wondering what happend to the life i was leading 6 years ago. i had strength and drive and a future to look to. now i feel like in the next 5 years im going to die. I cant afford to live in this house anymore. im moving home this month to my parents for some extra money. i have a mother that tells me one thing and is all supportive but when it comes down to it she goes against what shes said. i have no idea what my father thinks of any of it cause i cant get a moment of his time. and when i do i dont want to fill it with things we dont want to talk about. i want to do things on my own and dont want help from anyone. but the way i am now i feel like im asking more and more from people. and that makes me unhappy. im not sure what to do to get it back.
now the other thing is i found a new friend. well maybe not new. and old new friend. he gets everything i throw at him. he takes me away from my thoughts when im with him and hes an amazing person. i need to tell him this. cause i do think the world of him. he lets me rant and rave on and i've totally opened myself up where normally i hold everything in. the past couple times we've talked hes made me cry. in a good way. i've never had someone tell me the things or the thought of me the way he does. i'm so happy hes a part of my life and hold his friendship in the highest and i hope he knows that.
now the other thing is i found a new friend. well maybe not new. and old new friend. he gets everything i throw at him. he takes me away from my thoughts when im with him and hes an amazing person. i need to tell him this. cause i do think the world of him. he lets me rant and rave on and i've totally opened myself up where normally i hold everything in. the past couple times we've talked hes made me cry. in a good way. i've never had someone tell me the things or the thought of me the way he does. i'm so happy hes a part of my life and hold his friendship in the highest and i hope he knows that.
