just another tuesday night

oh god im nuts. i think its the full moon or something. im going totally balistic just sitting here. but for some reason this week im incrediabley happy. that might have something to do with it too. like my sister walked in the kitchen and i was smiling ear to ear and shes like ok whats up with u. and i dunno if it was jen saying things that was like and after thought when she left or if its another person or what. or or or.. lol i dunno i wish things went like they did on tv lol. just men walking by deciding to actually talk to u. that would be great lol. i wish i could do that u know. tell the person i think about like all the time that i like them and would love to u know say hi once in awhile, how do u other girls do that? i havent figured that out at all. im never going to be the one to "make the first move" and it bugs me yet it doesnt. i think its my protective blocking. that whole rejection thing. am i crazy for that? my mother is always telling me get out there, meet someone. and all i can think of is well, i dont do clubs, i sit at restaurants and like really conversations with people so thats not going to work. and when im actually in a job most of the guys are like 50 years old. oh im never gonna get a future with a guy lol. oh im gonna be a women that lives with cats in a shoe. you can tell when im watching sex and the city cant ya? lol ah well maybe one day ill be able to walk again and get out of this house for more than chores maybe go to my spot on lakeshore and veg, i guess i could do that anyways, just at a slower pace lol. yeap i think thats what ill do tomorrow. sounds good to me. i need to get martini glasses and more of my stuff to make my martinis thats what i need. lol and im going to stop now cause might actually say what i want to say and i cant.