im exusted.

its only 6:15 and im stressed out. usually this hits me later at like 10pm lol. i think winters coming and this means stressful season for me. lisa gets less work, less money and everything comes down on me. this house is my dream i will not let her loose that for me. just because she cant figure out her life. everything i do around here is never enough. no matter how hard i try its never good enough. laura came over and i think start this mood im in. tellin me how me doing the nielson ratings is another ploy thing and blah blah blah, and shes talked to dad about it, and he didnt like it either. i feel like im always fighting with my mother, sisters, and now dad. like i have to prove myself. i dont think i should have to do that with my family. and ya ya i know theyre just worried about me. i can only take that to a certain point anymore. i even told jen today that i felt like just moving home and saving money. i would probably die. cause really moms house isnt home to me, she makes one feel like youre not even invited to be there. maybe i should just keep paying rent here and leave lisa to fend for herself over the winter. maybe that'll work. i think whats really upset me is the dad/laura thing. like if u have questions, or concerns talk to me. dont assume things. it really bugs me. its that whole if u have something to say about me good or bad, im here talk to me. it makes me feel like the person ur talking about while standing there. like hello im here! my whole life ive had to fight everything and everyone to prove who i am, i want to stop, i just want to be... happy again