im afraid of dying not of death..

so i just got outta bed. after laying there for about an hour. just didnt want to get up today hehe. i had a freaky dream last night that i didnt like at all. in it i wasnt feeling well, and i had someone with i dont know who it was but a b/f or something at the time. it was forsure a dream at this point. so i wasnt feeling well so i checked my sugars and stuff. even though im not diabetic anymore, i still have this parnoia. so in this dream my sugars were like crazy high so i called the hospital, and the girl on the other end, just freaked on me. and telling me that it was a sign of this disease and stuff and that i was going to die and all that. now that kinda hit home cause i do have a disease that i fear everyday of my life, and my biggest fear is that im going to die from it before i should. so i ended like balling my eyes out in the dream, i actually woke up not crying but after telling james last week that ive never had a dream of me dying and then have that it kinda scared me. i dont mind being dead, but do it quick, a car accident or something where im killed instantly, i dont want it to be dragged out and sad and depressing u know? that would just really really suck.