its starting to get over baring...

fears have taken over again. i dont know what to do. im fearing so maybe things at the moment. fearing meeting people cause i dont want to be hurt again. fearing that im stuck in one place. i need something someone. change. i dont know where to go what to do. im afraid im going to get unhappy. i cant be unhappy but i know if i go on like i am i will be. i'll never have my restaurant, family etc. that also brings me to the job. my mother keeps buggin my how i need to be going out and getting one. im terrified really. im so afraid from the last one and that ive lost touch with whats out there. im afraid ill be too slow, or not strong enough etc.. im afraid of so many things right now. i wish there was someone to be by my and let me know it'll be ok. i think im also lonely... (u think leanne?) i think ive been lonely ever since i was 16 or so. i wanted outta the house i wanted my restaurant a car and family. that was it i was going get it all. i need that restaurant and that person now. it would be really nice. really nice. but then i have to think omg look what ive done at the age of 23 and what ive been through. ive done so much yet i feel like im so behind. i think its cause my parents are really worrying about it too. but its not like i can talk to mom about it. cause well thats just not possible. maybe that will be my goal this week. i need to find something. and not an excuse.