lost and confused....

so its wednesday. lisas gone to moms and letting me check my mail on her computer while shes gone. so i thought i'd bog while i was here. today im really tired. now sure why but i think when im done here i'll have a nap. so life without a computer is hard i must say lol but its nice to get out and see the people i talk to everyday. then again i really miss the people i talk to that i cant see in person. it also leaves me way too much time to think. so yesterday i went for lunch with jen and her cousin sarah. went to the whistling walrus on upper james. i like that place. good pub food hehe thats different from everything else. then jen and sarah helped me deliver my kidney foundation boxes of kits to the team leaders. they kinda left it last minute this year for me to do. since im area chair and team leader. i have to to deliver the boxes of kits to people then i also have to deliver kits to canvessers and the canvessers have to have the kits by march 1st. so they leave me like a week to get a hold of everyone and get things out. kinda crazy but at least i'll get it out of the way right away. and i got a travel mug this year! im so impressed!! 11 or so years of doing this and i finally got something lol even thought this year all the team leaders got one. but thats cool hehe. so im figuring no one loves me enough to phone me lol. well timmy does. we went out last night and had a late supper at the collins. still for some reason i love to go to the collins. i was my second home while i lived at home. i always wanted to go to the collins like 5 days a week for supper i would go. still nice to go in and know that they still know that i want my martini with my meal lol. well at least lauren does. so funny hehe. so ya.. dont know what to do... this time away from the computer has left me with really too much time to think about me. im lost in where i want to go and what i want to do. its the same things always. wanna cook and find something in the kitchens but with the past couple years it seems that i just cant do that anymore. but then im not happy doing anything. but if i want to try and go into something else or apply for anything else they wont take me cause my schooling is in cooking. so i have to go back to school but need a job to get he money to go back. its all one big crazy circle. im also lost and confused about this person in my life. i saw him the other day but i didnt say hi cause i wasnt positive if it was him. and well i dont want someone knowing that im crazy if it ended up being the wrong person. so now my interest in this person is beyond sparked and i know he wants to meet me, yet he says when i get the time and such. but if u really like someone, dont u make time in a day to converse oe see them? like this just doesnt make sense to me. and at this point ive been talking to the person alot. and im really confortable with them and i really like them. but if im going to be in a relationship with them do i really want to be put on the back burner all the time? i think im a pretty understanding person, and i know when in a relationship, the other half has to have time with their friends, time for work etc i shouldnt be the main focus all the time but i should at least matter enough that im thought of first? if that makes sense. maybe not even first but a close second lol. i dunno im lost. maybe im just thinking a head of myself since i actually havent met the person, but there have been some very strong words spoken about how they feel for me and now im the one left waiting. i guess im not used to that in this type of situation. so i guess ill wait more! lol and hope that in the end its worth this and i think it will be. i guess ill go have my nap now, people call me if u want to get together, cause i need to get out and see people! i miss it! lol as dad would say ttul!





PLEASE CALL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! lol